I receive a lot of emails intended for someone else. Typically it is the same person, but could be any of the following idiots:
At first, getting emails intended for someone else was funny. I understand that people make mistakes and fingers often bounce of the wrong keys. You've seen my typing skills. I am typically a forgiving guy, but years of misdirected emails got annoying. I am talking about hundreds. I started to send funny replies to senders and pretend I was the mistaken recipient. In one instance I was so annoyed at getting emails for one of the intended that I listed above, I simply informed the real estate agent that I had already sold my house and currently live in a tent. In another, I simply responded by asking if my wearing a bikini to a dinner party was okay.
The problem has escalated. As we all know, email addresses are for much more than correspondence. They are identifiers for numerous other things such as Paypal, the Apple store, and other services. I was frustrated a few weeks ago when I attempted to create an Apple account and found one already existed with my email account. I did recall some Apple emails in the past. I called Apple support (they rock by the way) and found out that my email address was already linked to Karen Schick. Yup, good old Karen. The same idiot who has been typing in my email address for years.
In the highly unlikely event that Karen Schick (from Pennsylvania if a I recall correctly) sees this, please stop using my address. Thanks to your continued idiocy and bad typing, you will not be able to enjoy that Apple gift card of yours. I can't help it, and neither can Apple. You fucked up and I get the funds, whether I asked for them or not.
It isn't just Karen. It isn't rare that I receive all these emails. It is repeatedly the same idiots, week after week. I am getting a lot of personal and business information intended for them. I just received a transaction email from Paypal for Karen's transaction with The Nightlight Cinema in Akron. $14.00 USD for a movie? Not bad. Thankfully Paypal is smart enough to not disclose financial information such as credit card numbers, but not all companies are that considerate or secure.
Many online companies send emails that allow someone to make changes to their accounts by simply clicking on a provided link, without the need for a password. How ridiculous is that? Thankfully I am not malicious and don't fuck with that info. I could. It would so easy for me to change the entirety of someone's account info. As well, I am provided all their information, such as credit card numbers, home address, work, mobile, and home phone numbers as well as other goodies.
By the way, I am not an angel, and have fucked around a little bit. I got so damn frustrated after a while. In response to a service reminder to Karen (or was it Katherine) from her car dealership, I replied and let them know that I would be dropping by soon and provide sexual services for the entire staff, whether they be male or female. Tune-ups are pricey and a girl's got to eat, right?
Lastly, Gmail recognizes email addresses in way that a simple period or capital letter will result in emails only going to one account. For example;
KARENISANIDIOT@gmail.com will receive all emails from anything addressed such as
So if you are Klaus, Karen (the worst so far), Katherine, Ken, or Kathy and share my last name (you lucky bastards), you have a few options:
- Learn how to type.
- Change your email address to something completely different. Something like, email@example.com might work.
- Proof read.
- Slow down.
- Stop using the Internet, you suck at it.
- Just keep wondering why your vet thinks you ate your pet, your mechanic is waiting for that awesome blowjob, or why your perspective business and employment partners think you are from another planet and are simply crazy about cheese.